With this ring, I thee wed my country

I honestly never thought that I would ever feel any sort of pride in my country. I know that is not a popular sentiment, but it's the truth. I have frequently thought that if it weren't so difficult to disentangle myself from this land, that I would find another to call home and I'll tell you why. My earliest teachings about this country's history were that it was founded by marauders and thieves. Now, my mother wasn't a history buff who taught me such notions, but she also didn't raise any fools. So when I sat in my elementary school classes and learned about "Indians", which is a subject heavily taught and skewed in the Great Lakes State of Michigan, I read between the lines. When my teacher spoke of "missionaries" and "explorers" I heard tyrants and thieves. When they spoke of pride and legacy all I heard were the cries of those before me. On the foundation of this history, I never felt proud of America in the nationalist sense that is prosthelitized to children K-12 every day of the week in this country. I always felt like it was based in a history of hatred, negativity, racism, and shame. I felt coerced to be an American. Like it was an arranged marriage, that I could have turned away from, at the cost of all who were dear to me. Indeed, I still feel like that. I'm not backtracking, mind you. However, I will say that recent events have caused me to feel that this spouse who I did not choose, might just be lovable after all.